


Energy or Whatever

by Star4545



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Awkward Phil Lester, Depressed Dan Howell, M/M, chef dan howell, movie editor phil lester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 02:46:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15809754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star4545/pseuds/Star4545
Summary: Hi, I know we don't know each other, but this is my favorite song, and I need someone to dance with.





	Energy or Whatever

It all started one evening at a party. A party that Phil didn't even want to be at, why did he even try to come, he shouldn't have come. If he was even halfway normal, he would be sloshed by now, singing along to the beat of Greenlight by Lorde and I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston. Neither of those things he was doing however. He was standing by the wall, picking at the skin around his fingers, waiting for the party to be over, waiting for the volume to lower, and waiting to have enough courage to leave. But he was afraid of missing out, a fatal flaw, no matter how much he hated the atmosphere.

Dan was at the other end. He wasn't sloshed, haven't even had a sip of alcohol, and yet was having the time of his life; jumping up and down, singing off key to the beat of the songs blasting through the speakers. He didn't love parties, didn't love everyone flirting with him, and didn't love the party lifestyle. This party was the exception. He needed to blow off some steam and that's what he was doing as he pumped his fist in the air.

Dan gasps as his favorite song comes on and sings the lyrics so loudly he was scared others would actually hear him. Dan feels adrenaline bursting through him, god did he feel like dancing with someone. He looks around for one person that looked familiar. Then he sees Phil, standing there looking so sad and alone, he didn't know him, but he just felt as if he should. He runs over to him and taps him on the shoulder, causing Phil to jump. "Hi, I know we don't know each other, but this is my favorite song, and I need someone to dance with." Phil would die if he went onto the dance floor, but this person seemed friendly.

"Here not there." Phil reasons. Dan nods, grabbing Phil's hands and swinging them all around as he jumps in the air.

"C'mon, dance with me."

"You aren't dancing, you're jumping."

"Then jump with me." Phil takes a deep breath, trying to feel himself in the music, and starts 'dancing' with this stranger. The song was quite nice, Phil did like it without ever hearing it before.

"I-my name is Philip. Well just Phil. I like Phil. Most people call me Phil. I'm Phil."

"Cool. Thanks for dancing with me, Phil." Phil hadn't even realized the song had ended. Dan drops Phil's hands, who liked the hands in his.

"Dance with me during this song too." Dan smiles, grabbing Phil's hands again.

"Sure." And then they were jumping, and swaying and Phil tried to ignore everything, just to hear the music. Except Phil should know by now, that tactic only works in short periods at a time. He is pulled out of his head when the hands have left his again, now on his shoulders, and his feet are on the ground, his breathing becoming heavy. A mix of the loud music, people, the boy touching him, it was too much. All too much.

"I need to get out of here." Phil says, trying to ground himself but failing miserably. He felt like crying.

"Okay." Dan leads Phil out of the crowded room to the outside. Phil takes some deep breathes as he sinks to the ground with his head on his knees. "Are you alright?"

"I-I,"

"Right, you probably don't want to tell a stranger."

"Yeah."

"Feel better."

"You can go back in there."

"I know."

"Then why are you still here? I'm just a stranger."

"Yeah, I know." Dan sits down next to Phil. "Do you want to leave?" Phil nods.

"I don't have a ride."

"I could give you one."

"Did you not have a drink?"

"Why would you think that?"

"So, you just came up to me to ask me to dance without any drink in your system at all?"

"Basically." Phil gaps at him. How could one person have so much confidence and energy exuberating from them. "I don't do that often. I'm pretty awkward, but it was something about the energy and that song and… I don't know. I just felt so in the moment. I never feel that."

"I don't either."

"So, you need a ride?"

"Yeah."

Dan stands up, holding out his hand to help Phil up. Phil grabs it and they both stand up, looking at each other, before Phil looks away. Dan leads Phil to his car, their hands still placed together, and opens the door for him. Phil rattles off his address, not believing he was telling his address to a complete stranger, but he did. Dan lets some music play softly while for the duration of the ride, his fingers drumming along on the steering wheel.

"It's right there."

"Oh cool. I'll let you off."

"It's quite late, do you want to stay the night?" Dan looks at Phil.

"Seriously? I don't even know you."

"Something about the energy or whatever, right?" Dan gaps at Phil.

"Right, right. The energy or whatever." As if by coincidence, the song that made Dan run up to Phil in the first place starts to play.

"The song."

"Yeah, the song."

"You can park in my spot. I don't have a car, but they still give me a spot." Dan nods, parking where Phil told him to.

They walk up to Phil's apartment. It was a one-bedroom apartment in a good area. It was quite small, but Phil didn't need much, he lived alone anyway.

"You wanna cuppa or anything? You can sleep on the couch. I'll get you a blanket."

"Oh."

"What?"

"You didn't invite me up here to have sex?" Phil scoffs.

"No… No, no, no… definitely not. Not that you aren't my type, cause you are, well I don't have a type. You are super attractive and probably a great person, but I don't do one-night stands. At all. Never. I don't even like sex…"

"So, you're ace?" Phil furrows his eyebrows. "Asexual?"

"I-"

"Lack of sexual attraction."

"I guess."

"Or you could be demisexual."

"What-"

"You have a lack of sexual attraction till you form an emotional connection." Dan sits down on the couch.

"I don't know."

"Oh."

"What are you?"

"Gay."

"Oh cool."

"Are you?"

"What?"

"A homosexual."

"Yeah, I guess."

"You guess?"

"Never really been in a relationship." Phil says, going into the kitchen to put on the kettle.

"Oh… Why?"

"Um."

"Stranger," Phil nods. "Right."

"Sorry if I led you on."

"You didn't. It's just when an attractive guy invites you to stay the night… I just assumed." Phil blushes.

"I'm attractive?"

"Very."

"You too. Very attractive. Yes."

"You've said that."

"Yup." The tea kettle starts to hum. "What kind of tea?"

"Do you have peppermint?"

"Of course! I love peppermint." They share a moment of understanding, before Phil takes out two mugs. "How do you like it?"

"Bit of milk, some sugar." Phil nods, following what Dan was saying as if it was super precise, which it wasn't, and brings it over. Dan takes a sip. 

"Is it good?"

"It's great. It is perfect, actually."

"Thanks." Phil goes to sit next to Dan on the couch.

"No problem."

It was late by the time Phil retreated to his room. He never stayed up this late and he almost fell asleep while brushing his teeth. Before going to bed, he checks up on Dan in the living room who was peacefully sleeping. Phil smiles, going back to his room to go to bed.

It was basically late afternoon by the time Phil strolled into the kitchen to see a groggy Dan on his phone. His hair was all over the place and clothes crimpled.

"Good morning." Dan says as he sees Phil walk into the kitchen.

"Good morning. Have you been awake for long?" Dan follows Phil into his kitchen, the latter still in pajamas.

"Not really."

"I would offer you coffee, but I don't have a maker."

"It's fine."

"You want some breakfast."

"It's two in the afternoon."

"Lunch then."

"No, I should be off."

"Ok." Phil takes out the cereal box and the bowl. He almost didn't want Dan to leave, which he knew was crazy as they were strangers and he can't blame it on the energy of the night when the energy of the night has long faded away. He wondered if Dan felt this energy too or was it another weird Phil thing.

"Let's not give each other phone numbers. This was a onetime thing. Probably won't ever see you again." Dan says even though Phil wish he hadn't. But they were just strangers. Strangers with a weird energy and a song, but it was just another weird Phil thing.

"Exactly… But let's keep each other's name in mind."

"Bye Philip…" Dan realizes that he just spent a night at a person's house without even knowing his last name.

"Lester. Bye… I don't know your name."

"What?"

"You never introduced yourself. I just let someone's who name I didn't even know spend the night in my flat."

"Blame it on the energy or whatever."

"The energy or whatever." Phil echoes.

"Ok, before I tell you my name, what do you think it is?"

"What?"

"Guess my name."

"No."

"Just do it."

"Bob."

"Bob?"

"Yeah, Bob."

"What on earth makes you think my name is Bob? Do I really look like a Bob?"

"Maybe a Stephen or a Christopher. I don't know."

"Is that your final guess? Stephen or Christopher or… Bob?"

"Or maybe…" Phil takes a moment. "Dan."

"No way. No fucking way. I told you my name."

"You really didn't." 

"Daniel Howell." Phil laughs.

"My grandmother always did tell me I have psychic powers." Dan looks intrigued but decides it's not the best to learn a lot about a person you will probably never see again.

"Bye Phil Lester."

"Bye Daniel Howell." 

Neither of them had the intention of googling the other. It was just nice to have the name encase they ever did see one another again, not that either of them would mind seeing one another again. Which was weird, especially for two people who don't know each other that met because of the energy and the music and the moment. It was just pure serendipity.

Another completely serendipitous experience was how the two meet again. They were both going to see a movie in the cinema, the same movie at the same cinema. Phil was waiting in the moderately long line for popcorn. Dan walks into the theater, seeing the familiar hair of the man who let him stay in his apartment. Dan goes in line a few people behind Phil. He figured they were going to see different movies and didn't worry about going up to him. However, Dan was wrong. When he walks into the semi-dark room, he easily spots Phil munching on popcorn. Dan goes up to where Phil was sitting and taps his shoulder.

"Oh, hi! Oh my gosh, it's you." Phil says.

"Yeah, I saw you in the concessions line. You like Marvel?" Phil scoffs.

"Do I like Marvel? Who doesn't."

"Do you mind if I sit next to you?"

"No, no, it's fine."

"Cool." Dan takes a seat next to Phil. "I've been waiting for this movie forever."

"Same."

The coming attractions started to play where Dan and Phil would make comments under their breaths about the interesting looking movies. Then the movie started, and Dan sees out the corner of his eye, Phil putting the hood up on the hoodie he was wearing. He also sees Phil put something in his ears. At specific points, Phil would cringe, Dan wondered why. The movie went by and soon the two were walking out with empty popcorn containers and Phil takes the earplugs out of his ears.

"Do you need a ride back to your apartment?"

"Yeah, that would be great."

Phil follows Dan to his car and with directions, they make it back to Phil's apartment complex.

"I can't believe we met up again." Dan says.

"It must be meant to be then." Phil says. "Unless you don't want to keep hanging around me which I get I'm really awkward and weird and-" Dan cuts Phil off by kissing him on the lips. Phil tries to kiss back, but he really didn't like the feeling and his lips were all wet and he honestly felt as if he was going to have a panic attack, but he isn't a rude guy, so he waits there until Dan gets the message.

"Did I read the situation wrong?"

"No, I just don't like…"

"Kissing?"

"On the lips. I just I have this thing."

"This thing?"

"Wow, I didn't think we would be talking about this so soon. It's a form of anxiety, sensory overload. Certain situations can cause my brain to overstimulate making me really anxious, like loud noises, tight spaces, kissing on the lips. I really don't like the feeling. Maybe one day when I know you better, but I'm just not comfortable."

"Is that why you were cringing at the movie?"

"The noise level sometimes bothers me. Do you think I'm weird now?

"No."

"Really?"

"Well, if we are meant to continue whatever this thing between us is because we keep meeting, things keep happening, and it's not just from the two-month old party energy. I guess I'll have to get used to it, but you seem pretty cool."

"Yeah. Can I put my number in your phone then?"

"Yeah," Dan grabs his phone from the cup holder holding it and gives it to Phil who sends a message to himself for the number. He hands it back to Dan who sees Phil's contact name is _Energy or Whatever._

"Well seeing you was a wonderful surprise."

"It really was."

"Would you want to go on a date?"

"I would love to. You want to come over my house, I cook." Dan asks and Phil smiles.

"Perfect. When?"

"Friday?"

"I have to check my schedule, but it should work."

"Let me know."

"I will."

"Bye Daniel Howell."

"Bye Philip Lester."

Phil opens the car door, before kissing Dan. One kiss on his right cheek, one of his left, and one on his forehead.

"So, for future notice, kissing on the cheek is fine." Phil says, before getting out of the car.

"You are adorable."

"You are the most attractive person I have had the pleasure to lay eyes on."

"If you keep sweet-talking me, I won't ever want to drive this car away."

"Then don't. Come up to my apartment."

"Bye Philip Lester."

"Right. Bye Daniel Howell." Phil walks up to his apartment with a skip in his step and Dan drives home with his heart beating a little quicker than normal and his favorite song playing over and over through the car speakers.

It was Friday night. Dan had texted Phil with his apartment address in which he had to ride the tube which wasn't his favorite activity, but he was used to it. He had come straight from work. He planned to be out early, but he was right in the middle of something, and he found himself unable to stop. But now he is standing at Dan's doorstep with increasing anxiety. He knocks lightly on the door and Dan opens it. He was wearing this adorable apron that looked like iron man's suit.

"Hey c'mon in."

"Sorry I'm late, got caught up at work." Phil walks inside Dan's apartment. It was a little bigger than his, but not by much.

"It's fine. What do you do?"

"I'm a movie editor." He says casually.

"That's so cool. Have you ever worked on a Marvel film?"

"No, I wish. I mainly do smaller, indie films."

"That's still really cool. Cooler than me."

"What do you do?"

"I'm a chef."

"That's amazing. Don't put yourself down." Dan smiles.

"You can sit down. Dinner will be ready soon."

"Is there anything I can help with?"

"Nope, everything is all set."

Phil goes to sit on the couch, but before he does, looks around at Dan's living room. Most of the furniture was black and had pops of color (mostly with nerdy objects that Phil understood the references to), with fairy lights around the walls, and one wall covered in vinyl's. Phil recognized most of the albums or at least the artist.

"You like Muse?" Phil asks, hoping Dan heard him.

"Yeah, a lot."

"They are the greatest band ever."

"I'm glad someone else thinks so. Do you want to listen to one of their albums until dinner is ready?" Phil shrugs. Dan takes down 'Origin of Symmetry' from the wall and puts the record in the player. Phil recognizes the opening _to New Born_ and sits down on the couch. The weird thing about Phil's anxiety was music never bothered him. Sure, if it was incredibly loud, he would turn it lower, but he had a higher tolerance for it than everything else.

Next thing he knows, Dan is shaking his shoulder. He must have fallen asleep. _Space Dementia_ was now playing throughout the room.

"Dinner's ready."

"Oh. Sorry for falling asleep."

"No, it's fine. Busy day at work. I get it."

Dan puts two plates of steaming food on the table. Phil sits down, and Dan follows suit.

"So, why were you at the party?" Phil asks as they eat.

"I was just told they would be firing people at my job. I'm not the head chef, so I got nervous. I needed to blow off some steam. I didn't get fired in the end, but I was stressed."

"Oh ok."

"Why'd you go?"

"I wanted to see if I could handle it. The guy who threw it was one of my friends in college. Didn't realize it was going to be a banger."

"And you couldn't handle it."

"Not in the slightest." Phil chuckles. It was nice to talk out loud about his anxiety with someone that didn't make fun of him. Dan was nice. Phil liked nice people.

"Well that's okay. Not everyone is a party person."

"Yeah. This food is really good." Dan blushes.

"Thanks."

"I can see why you are a chef."

They eat their dinner with pleasant conversation and music flowing throughout the house. They talk at the table till the record ends, placing them back into reality.

"I should probably clean up these dishes. Can you put the record back?" Dan asks.

"Yeah, sure."

Phil picks up the album's cover and easily slips the record inside, admiring the album artwork before placing into its holder and onto the wall. He then goes to check on Dan in the kitchen, who was washing the dishes.

"Need any help?"

"No, you're the guest. Sit and relax."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Phil looks around the kitchen. It was small, way too small for someone who works as a chef. The fridge was covered in magnets from different places with reminders and pictures. Then out of nowhere, Dan hits his head with his soapy hand.

"Are you okay?"

"I just, did the music bother you? The volume? I didn't even think to ask…"

"No, the music was fine."

"I- you put those earplugs in during the movie and you said you didn't like loud noises."

"You saw me put the earplugs in? You must really think I'm weird now."

"As I said before, I don't think you are weird. I think you are wonderful."

"Would you want to be my boyfriend? It's okay if you don't, I know it's soon, but I just feel like it's meant to be. Do you feel that way… too?" Dan drops the dish he was washing and kisses Phil on the lips before remembering that Phil doesn't like it and moves to kiss him on the cheek.

"I would love to. Weirdly, this doesn't feel too soon."

"It really doesn't."

"Blame it on the energy"

"Or whatever."

"Would you like to stay the night? Binge watch movies or something?"

"That sounds great." Dan quickly finishes washing up before placing some popcorn in the microwave. Phil heads to the couch and sits patiently, looking at Dan's vinyl wall, hoping that one day he will be able to say he's listened to them all. All of them will hold a special memory. All of them will tell the story of him and Dan.

Dan comes in with a bowl full of buttery popcorn and they scour Netflix to find something to watch. They compromise on watching some comedy movie they hadn't seen. Dan turns out the normal lights to put on the fairy lights. About ten minutes in, Phil pulls Dan into his arms for a cuddle.

"This okay?" Phil whispers in his ear.

"Perfect. Is the volume okay?"

"Would you mind turning it down a little bit? It's okay if you can't. It's pretty low already. I normally watch TV really low with captions."

"Phil, it's fine." Dan gives the remote to Phil who turns it down to his liking.

"I appreciate it."

"No problem."

If this was a movie, like the ones Phil edits, this would be the end to the first part of it. Maybe their movie would be split up into segments and this would be the end of the first. Phil falls asleep before the movie ends. He has long hours of staring at a screen. He was tired. Dan debates moving to the bedroom or not, but Phil looked so peaceful. So, Dan turns off the TV and falls asleep on Phil's chest in the fairy lit room. If Phil was editing this movie, there would be some peaceful music playing, a black out, and a next chapter title screen. The first chapter titled: Energy. The second chapter titled: Or.

There comes a point in every relationship where something changes. Something happens to challenge the couple, to see if they can survive. For Dan and Phil, it came in about a year of dating. A pretty heavy amount of time that their relationship seemed okay because that's what it was, okay. Phil had moved into Dan's apartment even though Phil liked his apartment much more. However, he felt he couldn't ask for Dan to move his vinyl wall. Dan had become head chef, which was great because it was bringing a lot of cash. Phil's movie editing was still on indie films, however he enjoyed it. They both worked long hours, though it seemed as if everything was working fine.

In Dan's perspective, everything was fine. He loved Phil… a lot. But it's been a year without kisses on the lips or any action, Dan thought that Phil's comfortableness with him would have come by now. It's not that Dan was desperate for action, but he wished that Phil would be comfortable with him. He wanted to be able to blow off some steam after long hours of work. He wanted to make out to their song and lie in bed the next day and listen to the vinyls on his wall. So maybe he was a little desperate for action.

For Phil, he was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by this new-found love that is bursting in his chest, making it beat to the crazy beats of Muse. He can barely focus at work, being consumed by worries that when he gets home Dan will pressure him. He felt empathic towards his partner. He felt sorry that he was holding up Dan's sex life which wasn't ever really present, but still. He didn't like Dan's apartment. He loved Dan, but he was constantly worried as if he is stuck at a loud party. It made him sad that he couldn't focus on his work because he loved the movie he was working on. He loved it so much. He couldn't wait for Dan to see it. Phil felt as if he was stuck in a loop of fearing Dan and being head over heels for him.

It didn't help that something other than the sexual-deprival was affecting Dan. He seemed as if he was in a similar boat to Phil. Overwhelmed. They didn't talk about it. Phil figured Dan was going through something and when he wants help he'll ask. The last thing he wanted was a repeat of his parents to him about his anxiety. Forcing him into therapy. Forcing him into a world full of medicines that did things to Phil that helped but he couldn't understand them. Dan seemed like the person that would ask for help when he needed it. He knew something was wrong, but he wanted Dan to come to him and not the other way around.

However, he wasn't. Dan didn't like to bother people with his feelings, especially not to Phil who seemed to be able to know what Dan was feeling. The energy or whatever was binding them. However, he did not want to thrust anxiety onto his boyfriend. So, he kept it bottled up. That was until he was on YouTube and watched a movie trailer (something he did not normally do, but he had heard about this movie from somewhere, probably Phil (who didn't like going to the movies but loved movies all the same), and decided to watch it) with that song that played when Dan met Phil. His favorite song. He broke down. He was stuck with wanting Phil to come home to this to help him and not wanting help at all. Phil felt it, Dan utter turmoil or sadness or whatever the thing that was piling up in the pit of his stomach was.

Phil came home to find a crying Dan on their bed that was just a little small for the two of them. Phil drops his bag and pulls Dan into his arms, kissing his cheek then his forehead.

"Shh, I'm here. Let it out. It's going to be okay." Phil hated saying those words. They plagued his system from hearing insincerely so many times, from knowing that sometimes things weren't always okay. "Or maybe things won't be okay, but that's life. Sorry, not helping. Do you want me to be quiet or keep talking?" Phil hadn't seen Dan cry a lot, but it was an awful sight. Dan places his head on Phil's chest, crying out his heart. Phil puts his head in Dan's hair. Phil starts to softly sing their song. He didn't like singing, but it was the only thing he could think of. Dan shakes his head.

"Don't sing. Just hold me." Dan says, in a break from crying, in a raspy voice.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."

"When and if you want to talk…"

"Thanks, Phil." Phil lets go of Dan, making Dan whine. Phil grabs Dan's head in his hands and lifts it so he can see Dan's bloodshot eyes. He quickly places his lips on Dan's. Phil wanted to escape as soon as he did it, but he knew it was the time. He knows Dan. He needs to get over his fear. It's been too long.

It takes Dan a few seconds to realize Phil had tried to kiss him. He moves his lips against Phil's. Phil wasn't a great kisser, but it was okay. Phil lets go of Dan's lips.

"What was that for?"

"You were upset. I know that is what's making you upset. So…"

"Don't kiss me if it makes you uncomfortable."

"I'll get used to it." Dan gives Phil a slight smile which makes Phil kiss his cheek.

"I want to talk about what made me upset."

"Go for it." 

"I've just been overwhelmed." Phil's arms find their way back around Dan. "Because… because I don't know. I don't want to be like this, but I'm just angry that you aren't comfortable enough with me to have sex or make out or…  anything. I feel like there is a weight on my shoulders that I can't shake off."

"Welcome to my world. You're stressed, Dan."

From there it became a downward spiral. Phil tried to kiss Dan more, but it didn't seem like they ever lasted long, and Phil was a very sloppy kisser. Not only that but Dan was stuck in a funk, a tunnel with no way to see the sunlight. Phil, still overwhelmed, incredibly overwhelmed with his movie finishing up, Dan's state, the later nights. Everything. Phil would often come home to see Dan crying. Dan didn't sleep. Dan was worrying Phil so much. Phil didn't want Dan to even go to work, he was so worried.

It seemed as if Phil really did have psychic powers as his grandmother once said. He got a call, knee deep into editing one of the final scenes of the movie, from the restaurant saying Dan had passed out. Phil tries to recall Dan's last night of sleep. It had to at least be five days. Phil explained that it was probably from exhaustion and he would pick Dan up. He told his employer that it was an emergency and headed out. He walks to Dan's restaurant and sees Dan in the staff room, fast asleep. Phil didn't know exactly what to do except pick him up, which was difficult as Phil isn't the strongest lad, get a taxi, and go to the flat. He does so and puts Dan in their bed before getting ready for bed and going to sleep. He couldn't remember the last time they were both asleep together in bed.

Dan woke up in a panic, absolutely confused and scared. His breathing is heavy, and tears pour out of his eyes making Phil stir. "Dan, you alright?"

"How did I get here? I was at the restaurant."

"You passed out from exhaustion. I got a call, left work, picked you up, and took you home. Go back to bed, you need it."

"Phil, I'm scared."

"About?"

"Myself. I'm scared about myself." That seemed to wake Phil up.

"Yourself?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to see a doctor?"

"I don't know what they can do."

"Maybe you can talk to a therapist. You can be on medicine, like me, if you have something."

"Something?"

"Depression, anxiety…"

"Oh."

"It won't change anything between us. Unless you want to change something between us."

"I don't know."

"You don't know."

"It's been so stressful."

"Dan…"

"Phil…"

"You aren't suggesting we break up? Are you?"

"Maybe."

"I love you, Dan. It's been overwhelming for me too, but we can do it. We can power through. This is just the tension, the climax, the part in the movie where everything goes wrong. But it will be alright. It always ends up alright." Except the movie that Phil was editing of course where the ending is sad and shows that relationships don't always end happy. "Trust the energy or whatever. We will be fine. The universe threw us together."

After a couple of therapy visits, both with and without Phil, Dan was diagnosed with depression and put on medication that took weeks to get used to. Weeks for the effects to show. Weeks until Dan felt normal under them. Weeks later, Dan realized they weren't helping, quite the opposite. While Dan was working on an inner battle, Phil was putting the finishing touches on a movie that he didn't want to end. The ending so heartbreaking that it only made him smile when thinking that he convinced Dan to stay in their relationship. He wanted Dan to see it but was scared that it would hurt Dan rather than help him.

Dan goes off the medicine after being on it for two months. He becomes sick for a week. A week where he went off work, a week where instead of looking for a new project, Phil helps Dan. A week where their relationship becomes tighter as the vinyls on the wall are played one by one.

The last part of the movie: Whatever.

"Phil, Phil, Phil!" Dan says rushing into the living room of their flat, urging Phil to stand up. It was after dinner which made Phil confused about what surprises Dan had for him.

"What?"

"I got us an anniversary present."

"Did you?" Dan nods, ecstatically.

"I don't think you're ready."

"I'm definitely not." Dan gets down on one knee and opens a box, a box way too big for a ring.

"Phil, will you go see Muse with me?"

"Dan…"

"I know you don't like loud noises, but you can put in earplugs, and I'll be there. It's Muse!"

"I-I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll think about it."

"I'll think about it."

"Yay. Ok, so, anniversary, what do you want to do?" Dan asks.

"Well, I have a copy of the movie I worked on. I missed the premiere, so they sent me a copy."

"When was the premiere?"

"Last month."

"Why did we… you go?"

"It was the night of that new restaurant you are working at."

"You missed the premiere of a movie you were head editor on for a stupid restaurant opening?" Phil shrugs.

"It's not a stupid restaurant opening."

"Not the point. You missed the premiere of the movie for me?"

"Yeah, you mean a lot to me, y'know." Dan looked on the verge of crying.

"You missed a movie premiere for me."

"It's just a small indie film."

"Who cares? It's still a movie you worked on."

"It's alright. We had a good night that night. Now I get to cuddle with you on the couch with a huge bowl of popcorn on my anniversary. It's a win, honestly." Phil kisses Dan's lips lightly.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Dan. Do you want to make the popcorn and I'll set up the movie.”? Dan nods.

In a couple minutes, Phil is sitting on the couch with earplugs in his ears, he wanted Dan to enjoy the full volume. Dan comes in with a huge bowl of popcorn.

"You have your earplugs in."

"Yeah, you deserve to enjoy this movie to all its glory." Dan settles in Phil's arms, Phil clicks play.

The movie starts, Phil remembers it all too well. No matter how many times he has seen it, it still brought so much emotion to him. He would look at Dan during scenes that reminded him of them. Dan would feel the eyes on him and look to Phil, who would end up blushing. Two hours later, they are both crying. Phil takes out his earplugs.

"Phil, never ever put down your movies again, that was a fucking masterpiece. I love you and I love that movie. It had our song in it."

"I know it did."

"I saw that trailer months ago."

"I thought you don't watch trailers."

"I don't, but I watched that one. I think you once said the title to me and I remembered and watched it."

"Oh. I'm glad you loved it."

"I'm so happy we stuck it out."

"Me too." Phil tightens his grip around Dan. "Dan, I want to have sex."

"You what?"

"Want to have sex."

"Now?"

"Now."

"Are you sure? You still don't like kissing. I don't know if you'll be able to handle-"

"If I can't, we'll stop."

"Ok." Dan quickly puts the popcorn bowl in the sink while Phil turns off the TV. They both meet in their bedroom.

Dan is sitting on the bed when Phil enters. Phil sits next to him on the bed and Dan kisses his lips. "Why all the sudden?"

"Dunno, it's our anniversary and I love and trust you." Dan nods, kissing Phil slowly. Phil tries not to cringe and puts his arms around his boyfriend, pulling him close. Dan then moves his lips to Phil's neck, which makes him squirm at first before Dan bites the flesh, making Phil moan.

"You like that?"

"A lot, yeah." Dan smiles, continuing to leave little hickies on Phil's neck. "Can I do it on you?" Dan nods, leaving Phil to try and mimic what Dan did, which worked because Dan was moaning.

"Can I take your shirt off?" Phil nods, putting his arms up and letting Dan lift it over his head. Dan chucks it to the ground and then takes off his own shirt.

"You are so attractive." Phil says, eyes trailing over Dan's body.

"So you've said."

"Trousers?"

"You move fast, Lester."

"I want to get to the good stuff."

"You are a nerd."

"So, you've said." They both take off their trousers. Dan almost immediately taking off his pants as well. "You are so attractive, what the hell." Phil says. Dan chuckles.

"You are too."

"Dan, I'm not too sure what to do. I'm a virgin."

"It's okay, Phil. Do you maybe want to touch me?" Phil nods. Dan takes Phil's hand and places it on his penis. Phil moves his hand around it, pumping it. "That feels so good." Dan starts moaning, which contributed to Phil getting hard.

"I love when you make those sounds, it drives me crazy."

"Phil, if you keep sweet talking me, I'll come in no time."

"Do…Are… Uh… Do you maybe want to actually do it, now?" Phil asks, stopping the movement on Dan's now hard cock.

"Yeah. Do you want to be the one to put it in me or me to put it in you?"

"Whatever you want… or like… or whatever." Dan giggles at Phil's awkwardness.

"I think you should be top." Phil nods, Dan grabs the lube and condoms that were on his nightstand. "First things first you have to stretch me, or I can. I don't think you'll like the consistency of lube. Don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Let me try." Dan nods, handing the lube over to Phil while he makes himself comfortable face down on the bed. Phil opens the container, sticking one finger in it. "Ew."

"I knew you wouldn't like it." Phil blushes.

"No, no, I can do it. Let me take care of you." Phil cringes as he coats a few fingers in the substance.

"Now you take one finger and put it in my butt." Phil goes through the process of opening Dan up, hearing his moans only making Phil want him more. He puts the condom on and lines himself up with Dan's entrance.

Before Phil knows it, he is inside Dan. Weirdly, he is okay. He gives both Dan and him a second before Dan whines out to move. Phil moves, and Dan makes a noise of approval.

"You feel so good, Phil. Keep moving." Phil does as he is told, groaning every time Dan made a sound.

"Feels so good."

"Oh, Phil, right there. Fuck. Oh my god, Phil, it feels so good." Phil couldn't even talk, he is in such a state of pleasure. "Phil, I'm going to come." Phil reaches under Dan to grab his penis, causing Dan to come in his hand. Dan makes such a loud moan, it almost hurt Phil's ears.

"Oh, I'm close." Phil trusts a little more and comes. He pulls out and uses his clean hand to pull off the dirty condom.

"You did so well for your first time."

"Thanks. You did so well… really well. And I love you a lot, but I need to clean this off my hand and throw this away. I'll be back." Phil quickly goes into the bathroom, throwing away the condom and washing his hand, before going to bed where Dan is now under the covers, he was humming their song quietly. Phil joins him. "I really enjoyed that."

"I did too."

"Happy anniversary."

"I love you."

"I love you too." Dan lies on Phil's chest. "Dan,"

"Hm."

"I want to go to Muse with you."

"No way! PHIL, it's going to be so great. We can talk about it in the morning. I'm tired." Phil laughs.

"I'm tired too."

A month later, the two are at the Muse concert. Dan had purchased good seats. Phil is understandably anxious, earplugs placed in his ears, his hand holding onto dan's very tightly as they come on stage. Dan could tell Phil is uncomfortable. But like everything with music, Phil soon eases into it, and becomes less visibly uncomfortable, even singing along to a couple songs. The band goes on a quick break and some ads start playing on the monitors. Then, all the sudden, they hear a very familiar song. The two look to the monitors to see a trailer for the movie Phil worked on. At that moment, Dan knew that tonight was the night.

Muse comes back on. They sing several fantastic songs. It was nearing the end of the concert and they start playing Phil's favorite Muse song. It is the time. The energy or whatever is urging Dan to do it. He taps Phil on the shoulder, taking his eyes away from the band playing in front on them. Dan gets down on one knee.

"Are you really doing this here?" Dan nods.

"Phil, I love you so much. I know our song isn't playing and there aren’t rose petals falling from the sky or whatever, but I need to do this. Phil, you have helped me so much and I would like to think I've helped you in these past two years. You've seen the best and worst in me. When we were at the party, I never knew I would end up with that stranger who let me dance with him. But I'm glad it ended up this way. Blame the energy or whatever, but here I am. Phil Lester, will you marry me?"

"Of course! Fuck, of course I will." Dan stands up, slipping the ring on Phil's finger, wiping the tears from his eyes. "I'm so happy you asked me to dance that night. I'm so happy you took me here. I'm so happy I'm with you."

"You are so sappy."

"Says the one who just proposed."

"Touché." 

If this was a movie, the movie would fade out with the two of them kissing with the final song of the concert playing. If this was a movie, it would state the name of the movie: Energy or Whatever before going onto the credits that played their song. If this was a movie, you wouldn't know what happened to them. If this was a movie, you would just have to be content with the happy ending of the two lovers, one with anxiety and one with depression. If this was a movie, you listened to their song and let the credits role. If this was a movie, the credits would end with the lyrics, _blessed be the mystery of love,_ because their love was a mystery. Guess you have the energy or whatever to blame.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Their song was Mystery of Love from the move Call Me By Your Name. I just really love that song and that soundtrack. I listened to it a lot when I was first writing it.


End file.
